Why We Trust Tarot in Love — When Romance Begins with Unanswerable Questions

"Do we have a future together?" "What does he mean by saying that?" "Does he do that because he likes me?"

These questions appear millions of times across tarot tables. But if you pay close attention, you'll realize: all these questions point to just one thing — what does the other person want?

Why is tarot so "accurate"?

Most of us know tarot has no scientific basis. We see clearly that the cards are just paper, and the interpretations are open symbols applicable to anyone. Yet we keep coming back.

That's because tarot doesn't promise to provide knowledge about the future. It provides something else — a framework to speak truth about ourselves.

The "Moon" card might mean calculation, deception, or simply lack of clarity. The "Tower" might speak of collapse, or the end of an old structure. These interpretations open up vast space — and in that space, you begin to speak about yourself.

You begin to recount the times he was silent, the times he didn't answer, the times he was near you. You voice details you never dared to admit. And through interpreting the cards, you're actually speaking what you really need to say.

Tarot and Psychology: A Subtle Parallel

There's something fascinating when comparing tarot to depth psychology. Both rest on a similar structure:

1. You bring a question with you (like bringing a symptom, a pain) 2. You speak, recount, interpret (like in a therapeutic session) 3. The listener — whether a tarot figure or a psychologist — is given a special position by you: the position of "one who knows"

This is called transference — you temporarily believe that someone exists who understands what you cannot yet understand about yourself.

But there's an important difference: depth psychology ultimately tries to make you realize that no one can do this for you. They want you to abandon the illusion of an "all-knowing" person. Tarot, by contrast, always protects this illusion — under the guise of fate, the universe, or "information from something higher".

Love is Where Knowledge Fails

But why is tarot used most for questions about love? The answer is simple:

Love is precisely where knowledge completely fails.

In love, you cannot know: - Whether the other person loves you - Why they love you - What they want from you - Whether what they say is true - Whether this feeling will last

And more importantly — you cannot know what in you the other person loves. Is it your appearance? Your personality? Or something you can never quite grasp, a strange detail that can only be called their "uniqueness"?

This is why people in love obsess over the smallest details: - A glance - An unanswered word - A touch of the hand - A moment of silence

Because all these details can be interpreted. And no answer is certain.

Desire, Lack, and the "Object Petit a"

There's a concept in depth psychology called "object petit a" — something mysterious, ungraspable in your beloved, something that makes them that person and not someone else.

The problem is: this something always slips away. Just when you think you've found it — perhaps it's a fleeting smile, a way of speaking — it moves elsewhere. It might be in another detail, or perhaps only in your imagination.

That's why love always feels incomplete, always needs something more, always poses new questions.

And tarot? Tarot offers just one thing: an opportunity to temporarily stop those questions, by giving you an answer.

Symbolic Systems as Tools

But notice that tarot doesn't provide "truth." It provides a set of symbols, a system that can be arranged, interpreted, and understood.

78 cards with hundreds of interpretations, arranged in various patterns — together they form a library of symbols you can use to speak about yourself.

When a tarot reader lays out cards in a certain pattern, they're creating a story frame. And then you begin to fill it in:

"That first one was when... The second one was when... And now I understand..."

But what matters is: that story comes from you. Tarot only provides a tool for you to speak it.

The Difference Between Tarot and Real Psychology

If you truly want to change, there's one thing you must do: you must stop seeking someone who "knows" for you.

Depth psychology ultimately wants you to realize that there is no "all-knowing person". No one — not tarot, not a psychologist, not your beloved — can provide you with a final answer.

So you must enter a very difficult territory: you must take responsibility for your own choices.

You cannot say "Tarot told me to do this." You cannot say "I'm just following what my beloved wants." You cannot say "It's fate."

You must say: "This is what I chose, for reasons I cannot entirely explain, but this is what I want."

Love is a Kind of Action

There's a famous saying from a depth psychologist: "Love is giving what you don't have."

It's not giving what you possess, what you're sure of, what you can protect. It's giving what you lack.

When you love someone, you expose the gaps in yourself. Their mere existence is enough to make you feel incomplete, imperfect.

And then, if it's true love, the other person also exposes their gaps. You both stand there, imperfect, uncertain, and love each other anyway.

That is love. It doesn't wait for you to have all the answers. It doesn't wait for you to be certain. It happens even when you know nothing at all.

Abandon Tarot, But Not Action

Abandoning tarot doesn't mean you never seek counsel or reflection. It simply means:

You must stop seeking an outside authority to bear responsibility for your choices.

You can use tarot as a tool for reflection. But you must know that any answer tarot provides comes from you.

You can say "I love you" even though you don't know if the other person loves you back. You can say "I want to be with him" without needing a card to tell you "this is the right path."

Because the only reason you need is your own reason.

Action Without Guarantee

That's the hardest part. You want a guarantee. You want to know that if you enter a relationship, it will last. If you say "I love you," you'll receive "I love you too." If you wait, question, try to understand — ultimately there will be a "happy" ending.

But love doesn't work that way.

Love is action when you have no guarantees whatsoever. It's speaking the hardest things when you don't know how they'll react. It's standing beside someone instead of leaving, even though you know you might be hurt. It's letting someone into the depths of your heart, even though you can't control what they'll do with it.

And then, all you have is yourself, your choice, and faith in something you cannot prove.

Between Two Deaths

There's an image from philosophy: "standing between two deaths" — when you've abandoned the old ways of living (following rules, expectations, guarantees), but haven't yet fully stepped into a new way.

That's where real love unfolds. That's also where tarot fails. Because no card can guide you through this void. You must step into it alone.

Conclusion: Love Begins When Knowledge Stops

Tarot isn't evil. It's a tool, a way to reflect, a space where you can speak difficult things.

But true love? Love begins when you stop seeking answers and instead act without them.

It's when you say "I love you" without needing to know whether you'll receive a reciprocal response or rejection. It's when you choose to stay or leave, not because of a card, a prophecy, or a sign — but because it's what you choose.

And when you do that, when you truly take responsibility for your choice, whether it leads to joy or pain — that's when you truly love.

Source: zhihu.com — "Why We Choose to Trust Tarot — Love Begins with Questions Without Answers"